by A woman recently turned to Reddit after feeling excluded from a dinner plan with friends, sparking a debate about communication, inclusion, and flexibility in group plans.
The Initial Plan
The original poster (OP) explained that the dinner plan began on a Tuesday, when she and her friends expressed interest in trying a restaurant some had not visited before. Excited to join, she looked forward to spending time with the group, which agreed to meet on Friday for the outing.
Later, a friend suggested that a reservation was necessary due to the restaurant’s popularity and booked a table for the following Tuesday at 6 p.m., which accommodated the majority of the group.
Conflicting Schedules
OP realized the chosen date overlapped with an optional lecture that she was considering attending for her coursework. Hoping to find a compromise, she asked if the dinner could be moved to Monday or Wednesday, but her friends declined, noting that Tuesday worked for the majority.
“They had already told the other two people coming that Tuesday would be the day and that this was what worked for the majority,” she wrote.
Trying to keep her options open, she proposed that the reservation include all five friends so she could decide later whether to attend. Her friends rejected this, citing that it would inconvenience the restaurant, and requested a definitive yes or no answer. Ultimately, OP decided to skip the dinner to attend the lecture.
Change of Plans
By Monday, OP learned from her tutors that the lecture would be “very chill, laidback, and doesn’t follow through from what is taught in required lectures,” leaving her free to attend the dinner after all.
She reached out to her friends to rejoin, only to be told it was too late to change the reservation. The friends explained that the restaurant was small and fully booked.
“You should [have] told us when we asked you last week,” they said, leaving OP feeling confused and disappointed.
Despite reminding them that she had initially asked to be included, the conversation became tense, with friends standing firm.
Feeling Excluded
OP expressed that the situation made her feel slighted and left out, noting that she wanted to attend but felt forced to self-eliminate due to the scheduling dilemma.
“I wanted to go and I wanted to accept the invite, but had felt that the dilemma that I was put in meant that I had to self-eliminate myself from the plan,” she wrote.
Friends downplayed her feelings, saying the situation was “not that deep” and accused her of overreacting. OP emphasized the importance of attempted inclusion, even if accommodations couldn’t be guaranteed.
“I believe that if a friend wanted to become [a part] of something, everyone involved should try to accommodate and see what could be done, even with the possibility of no guarantees,” she explained.
Reddit Responses
Reddit users largely agreed that the situation reflected a communication breakdown rather than malice.
“This was a classic communication breakdown, not a malicious act,” one commenter noted. “It boils down to a clash of priorities: they valued a simple, locked-in plan, while you valued the effort of inclusion.”
OP acknowledged the perspective, saying she had tried not to make her friends feel attacked and appreciated understanding their position. She admitted her frustration but found posting about the incident helpful in seeing the situation from multiple viewpoints.
Final Thoughts
The story highlights the importance of clear communication, flexibility, and empathy in group planning. While friends may value efficiency and firm plans, OP’s experience demonstrates that efforts to include everyone can prevent feelings of exclusion.
“Posting about this so far has really helped me understand what position they’re speaking from through others here that share it,” she wrote.
Have you ever felt left out due to scheduling conflicts with friends? How would you handle a situation like this?
Share your thoughts in the comments at race-day-live.com.
